I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
