We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
