I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
