i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
