how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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