I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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