and i looked up. we had an audience...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
