My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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