You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
