Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
