call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
