If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
