I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
