i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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