True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
