i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
