ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
