Will you blow on my dice?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
