If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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