he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
