man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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