bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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