found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
