You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
