So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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