Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
