So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Screwed.edu
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
