maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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