i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
