On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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