Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
