I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
