her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
