420 ftw
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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