He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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