go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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