Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
