I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
