Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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