Can i not drive my cunt home
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
