nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
