If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
