I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
