I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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