I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
