when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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