she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
