PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
