i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
