my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
