I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
