Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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