u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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