I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
